Psychoanalytical Investigation of Model UN

Feature by Delegate of People Magazine, Hannah Hyde

As a third-party spectator, the intent lurking behind formerly attired children can be speculated as the following: a ritual sacrifice; lucrative custom, or “look good on a résumé” as mandated by parents. Considering the grandiose amount of axe-body spray lingering in the air, it is viable to assume that the purpose may pertain to the desecration of the olfactory sense. Meticulous observation shall note that these formerly-attired children congregate in circles for an extended period of time for what appears to be the exchange of “snapchats” and heated remarks regarding a G.O.A.T; this eccentric behavior is possibly catalyzed by exacerbated adolescent hormones. Shortly following, these children, or delegates as later discovered, stand under the glare of unflattering, fluorescent light to state various facts, while completely topic-related and hard-hitting notes are passed between delegates. This persists for several minutes, until another person, presumably in a pantsuit, bangs a blunt, wooden object on the table. Judging from the immediate solemnity instilled into each delegate, it can be concluded that this wooden object equates to totalitarian power held by the person in possession of it. An external stimulus motivating these delegates is an incentive, commonly known as “awards.” At the prospect of winning one, they transform from teenagers still ordering off of the kid’s menu at a restaurant into power-hungry politicians with the capability of 1st degree murder.  Following stout observation, it can be effectively surmised that these bizarre proceedings comprise an ancient form of barbaric sport necessitated by a bloodthirst to add a line to a résumé. However, upon further investigation it has become known that this vicious sport is what is known as "Model UN".